Miscelaney

It’s over, now what? I always think of my grandmother(s) at this time of year…this time of year meaning those empty days which follow Christmas once everyone is deposited back into their own lives. They work(ed) so hard in the weeks building up to Christmas (baking, buying presents, decorating, making things just so). Then in a blink of a few hours, it’s over. Each and every one of them (ex and step included) are/were visibly disappointed by the end of the day. “It just goes so fast“.

It’s taken me a long time to understand this feeling of disappointment when the cider is gone and the last of the wrapping paper had been scooped off the floor and deftly deposited into the trash. When we are young, Christmas is met with a breathless enthusiasm, eagerly waiting for the spoils of holiday consumerism. It ends and you can’t wait to get back to school to share tales of loot. In college and young adult years, it’s a time of safe harbour retuning home and reconnecting with those who have done the same. Once you’ve married, the holidays become more complex, and you learn the fine art of ”multi-Christmasing” and compromise. If you don’t marry or find yourself single again, perhaps this is a time of battling your inner scrooge. Holidays are indeed made for family and sharing with loved ones. When you haven’t established your own family or are now navigating the choppy waters of “co-oping” your family during those precious few holiday hours, decking the halls with anything less than your middle finger can often be hard to do.

I know I’ve run the gamet of emotions when it comes to celebrating holidays. Having not been in the type of relationship where I bring someone home for Christmas for the past twelve years, I’ve gone on strike, I’ve dreaded, I’ve breathed heavy sighs of relief when all has ended, and I’ve been unexpectedly (nay delightfully) surprised. You name the emotion, and I’m sure I’ve conjured it up at some point during the holidays.

But as I age, which means my family is aging, I’m starting to get it. And I’m not just talking about the importance of being dutiful (we’re all dutiful, right?). I mean the feeling of “it’s over already? It can’t be“. I now understand why Grandmother was always so sad when it was over. With a new year comes change. Some good, some not, but change none-the-less. Either way, they knew that this one precious moment in time will never, ever occur again. Hence the reason mom takes a zillion horrifying pictures. Anything to capture the moment. To create memories to draft off of until the next year cycles into view.

So from this day forth, I will smile patiently when my mom takes eight pictures of me all in the worst poses and angles imaginable. I will delight when Christmas is extended into three FULL days of family, extended family, neighbors and new faces. I will gladly eat as many holiday meals as it takes to make the rounds and I will smile, answer any question imaginable and charm my way through it all. And when it’s over, and I’m experiencing that feeling of void, I will embrace it. It means I’ve been a part of something real and wonderful, even if I don’t have anyone to share it with. And with the right attitude, perhaps I’ll even look forward to next year.